The Threads That Bind Us
Connection as a source of healing for ourselves and our communities
On a frigid November day, visitors filled a pine fringed hillside for a celebration-of-life ceremony. Warming ourselves by a roaring fire, we shared homemade dishes, hugs, and stories of a time together that felt all too short.
Pete was a mushroom farmer. He held a deep affinity for these humble fungi found tucked away in crevices of earth. Beneath the forest floor, mushrooms weave tiny threads of mycelium to embrace the roots of every nearby tree, forming a mycorrhizal network—a lifesaving support system for each member of the group. Incredibly sensitive to threats in their environment, mushrooms send signals throughout their network when they sense stress or a lack of resources. Receiving these alerts, trees activate a mutual aid network—trading and storing resources to prepare for the oncoming challenge.
Like the mushrooms he farmed, Pete forged meaningful connections wherever he went. He gathered donations from local farmers to host weekly community meals, opening his doors to anyone in search of a seat at the table. He drew people together with an inclusive, enveloping warmth. Pete was a true weaver who recognized the value of the whole person and understood how connection elevates us all.
The Survival Value of Connection
As humans, our threads of connection are lifelines. Abraham Maslow once identified our most foundational needs as those necessary for survival. We depend on resources like food and water to live, he posited, so our physical needs supersede those of connection and belonging. What Maslow didn’t consider, however, is just how essential human relationships are for survival.
Our community affords us a map we use to navigate the complexities of life. When we interact with others, even those we know well, we are exposed to new stories, ideas, and perspectives. With each new interaction or change in perspective, we update our maps accordingly.
Our maps contain crucial information that helps us make sense of our world, predict what might happen next, and choose the appropriate response. These are critical survival skills—those with outdated or insufficient knowledge remain vulnerable. Historically, our ancestors used these maps to successfully outlive the challenges they faced. Through social feedback, we gain an evolving, adaptive awareness of our own identity, our social role, and our context.
Our survival benefits extend beyond cognition to our physical state. Humans are born completely vulnerable and remain that way for years, longer than most other creatures on earth. Without a caregiver during this fragile developmental period, we would die. As we age, we often rely on others to care for us when sick or wounded. Our bodies understand this vulnerability, and our immune system is keenly attuned to our social support network. When social connections are limited, our bodies respond with inflammatory signals to prepare should we become injured while alone. We are a social species whose biology assumes the presence of others. Our social connection is a survival need.
Resilience through Connection
When we connect—even briefly—we are more likely to engage in mutual aid, responding with resilience to periods of hardship. Increasingly, we are seeing timely, life-saving disaster response provided by neighbors while awaiting delayed outside aid. Recognizing this, FEMA now trains community members who serve as ‘zero responders,’ providing critical on-the-ground support the moment a crisis unfolds. Even the simple act of checking on an elderly neighbor can be life-saving during extreme events. An expert in the social aspects of resilience, Dr. Daniel Adlrich emphasizes that the effectiveness of this community-driven approach is a powerful measure of relationships:
“Disaster resilience comes from internal factors: How connected are we? How much trust do we have in each other? How often do we work together?”
When we gather neighbors and resources into formal networks, our resilience extends far beyond our individual capacity. In the wake of Hurricane Harvey, Baker-Ripley swiftly set up Neighborhood Restoration Centers and Disaster Recovery Services in Houston, Texas. Rather than simply react to the crisis, the neighborhood center went on to craft a comprehensive action plan for the future. These place-based networks offer a time-tested model for collective-action, transforming a moment of survival into a foundation for mutual thriving.
Not limited to crisis response, our resilience begins with informal interactions in the place we live. Nourishing Neighborhood Networks (NNN) embodies this bottom-up approach, offering a supportive framework for neighborhood connection. When we share meals, gifts, and resources with our neighbors, we deepen our relationships and broaden our capacities. Through mutual support, we use our unique strengths to actualize our vision of a sustainable future.
As we see the tangible impact of our actions within our own community, we experience a greater sense of collective efficacy—the belief that working together results in meaningful change. As community organizer John McKnight explains,
"We begin to see that we are the people who make this place the kind of place that is better, the kind of place where we have traditions and stories… It helps us realize that we are bound together in ways that say… 'This is our place, and we're working out our way to be the kind of community that builds life.'"
The Fraying Threads of Connection
Absent of careful tending, the threads that bind us wither and fray. Recognizing the perilous trend of disconnection, former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy does not mince words regarding our current public health crisis. In “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” Murthy draws a stark picture of our current social context and corresponding negative impacts. Half of U.S. adults say they are lonely, resulting in health risks equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Our mental health spirals, resulting in increased depression and anxiety. We cannot languish in this state, Murthy warns:
“Instead of coming together to take on the great challenges before us, we will further retreat to our corners—angry, sick, and alone.”
Modern social structures further drive us apart. While banding together once ensured our survival on the savannah, today’s group dynamics are often leveraged to perpetuate harm. Politicians frequently promote extreme views for influence, while media algorithms escalate polarization—capitalizing on our evolved tendency to see ‘the other’ as a threat. We spend less time working alongside one another towards shared goals and more time in siloed echo chambers. We have traded the perceptive lifeblood of mycelium for the synthetic cords of technocracy.
Finding Healing Through the Network
When we reach out to one another, we tap into a potent and accessible source of healing. A counterforce to the corrosion of isolation, social connection reduces stress, anxiety, and depression while expanding our sense of hope. The benefits of connection extend beyond our psychological wellbeing to support our physical health, as well. Social connection reduces blood pressure, strengthens our immune system, and improves cognitive function. The impact is profound; research indicates that robust social support increases the likelihood of survival by 50% across all causes of death. Connection permeates every layer of our being, providing the holistic restoration we need to thrive.
An Alternative Way of Being
Like the mycorrhizal networks of the forest floor, our communities activate our connections when challenges arise to adapt and overcome. Dean Spade describes the transformative nature of mutual aid as we face environmental and social discord:
“In this context of social isolation and forced dependency on hostile systems, mutual aid—where we choose to help each other out, share things, and put time and resources into caring for the most vulnerable—is a radical act.”
When we help one another out without expectation of return, we engage in what Robin Wall Kimmerer calls general reciprocity. The indigenous lesson of mishkos kenomagwen, she writes, takes a more intentional approach. Rather than harvesting wide swaths of sweetgrass with tools that give little thought to the plants they strike, each stalk is gathered with permission and gratitude. Thoughtful stewardship nourishes and ensures future growth. The sweetgrass replenishes and, in turn, supports mutual flourishing. Through simple acts of reciprocity, we boldly abandon broken systems for a way of being centered on regenerative relationships.
Tending the Forest Together
Each of us, in this wild thicket of life, stand within reach of connection. What any of us might do as one, we can do more together. We need only take hold of this healing remedy.
This time of trouble calls for a vibrant forest—a woodland brimming with the stalwart oaks, the slender birches, and the bowing willows. We each offer distinctive gifts and dreams to share in our tenacious striving towards a more resilient tomorrow.
Towards the end of the ceremony on that cold November day, someone close to Pete shared this request: Pete’s passion in life was relationships. His life was far too short, and his unfinished work is left to us. To honor his legacy, would we embrace a life of connection? Pete understood the power within the threads that bind us, and his message still reverberates all around. I can feel it in my roots—this call to connect. Today, I extend this message to you. Will you join in?
Embrace a life of connection:
Write a letter: Reach out to someone the old-fashioned way. Letter writing can help us slow down, maintain connections, and improve our wellbeing.
Volunteer: Help a local nature center or community organization. Check out idealist.org for local opportunities that match your interests.
Join a local group: Sign up for a book club, community garden, running club, or advocacy group. Group events can often be found through local libraries, newspapers, or websites.
Engage in neighboring: Introduce yourself to neighbors or host a neighborhood meal. Check out Recipes for Connection for inspiration. Share ideas of what your ideal community might look like, then work towards this goal with a community project!
Start a community project: Is there a gap in community resources or a community strength that could be better used? Invite others to join in achieving this goal. McKnight’s ABCD Institute offers tools and resources to help you get started.
Special thanks to Dr. Raymond De Young and Andrew Sigworth for their thoughtful contributions to the formation of this article.
